Tantra Yoga

A lot happened on our travels while at the same time we mainly stayed in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We did a 5 day course about tantra yoga, (no it’s not only about sex, even though sex is part of tantra). We planned to go to India after, but we liked the teachings and teachers so much that we decided to stick around.
I got really sick after the course, all the energy which started moving needed to be released and the more subtle energies needed to saddle down. It was strange as I was still in a very quiet, observing meditative state, yet my body was in such a resistance that I couldn’t even look at Lotte for more then 5 secondswithout my eyes closing or losing focus. I had fever, flu, sweating, diarrhoea, sore muscles and much more, Lotte searched google and found a thing which is called "the spiritual flu", of course they have a name for it. When I’m going through deep inner transformations it starts to be very normal to me to experience this bodily reactions. So I just surrendered and observed. Being grateful for the transformation on such a profound and deep level.
We did a work away on an organic farm, Vivian the owner is an amazing being. She has such a big and compassionate heart. She also blesses her food and does a morning meditation, so we felt very comfortable being there learning a lot about different plants, organic farming and living this very basic and very valuable lifestyle. I would love to elaborate more, but this blog would become way to long.
Being back in Chiang Mai, we felt like coming home again. Home to our yoga family, with so much love and appreciation for each other. (It’s my second yoga family, haha, and probably not the last one)
From the moment of the course Lotte and I have been very open to life, in a different way then before and I wish I had a more appropriate word than open. We’ve been so sensitive that each time we look in each other’s eyes our eyes fill up with water. There is so much love and it seems that every day we love each other more and more and more!!! We can’t say enough how much we love each other!

So we’ve been practising for a month now and last week we only focused on it with 2 to 4 hours of yoga and meditation each day and for the first time I really start to understand yoga on a deeper level. We intend to continue this until the next course starts the 22nd of October, which will focus on tantric relationships.
Intellectually I knew already quite some things about yoga as a way of life, but on a experiential level it’s way deeper. It becomes a deep inner transformation. Opening chakra’s and nadi’s, meditating to raise our frequency so that we can resonate on the universal love frequency and use this to flow on, yoga asana’s (postures) are just a preparation for the physical body the sit for long periods of time in a meditative position and to prepare the body to be able to handle the powerful energies that come along with yoga. It all sounded very nice, but I stayed so far with that intellectual knowledge. I’m very happy that I start feeling what this inner transformation is about. Even though it’s still very briefly, I felt some very strong energies in my body along the spine and I see how the yoga (as lifestyle) is working on Lotte as well! Opening her to very challenging layers in herself, resistance and physical dis eases appear when going deeper and deeper in herself.

Here is a beautiful example of how we work together and use everything as a way to go deeper and create more love and understanding for each other.
During my Laya yoga meditation in the morning, which is a very sensitive process, Lotte came into the room and started getting stuff out her bag. I couldn’t keep my awareness deeply in the process and choose to open my eyes while staying in the state of focussing within. After a few minutes I gently asked her to be very quiet when she’s done, as the process is so refined, at that moment she reacted out of her frustration and gave me a firm; “I’m already finished.” I didn’t see this coming and my meditative state was gone. I gave, “I didn’t try to attack you” feedback and responded out of my frustrations something in the sense of; “Well now I can’t meditate anymore, I'm going for breakfast.” I felt anger within me raising and left the room with the fruits for breakfast.
As I sad on the balcony I realised that I didn’t want to bless the food with all the strong negative energies I felt. Instead I went into meditation, visualising Lotte I understood her response better. She tried to get her stuff as quietly as possible, had no idea about the sensitivity of the process I was in and she’s been through a lot of energetic shifts the last week, feeling sick, tired and emotional. As I understood her point of view I directly came back to the deep love I feel for her.

Then I decided to take it one step further and look if I could find the root of this trauma in my childhood. I went to the place in my body where I felt the sensation the strongest, it was in the manipura area just above my navel. I tried to merge with these strong sensation which appeared out of the frustration Lotte send to me. I asked when was the first time I experienced these sensations and after a minute or so I saw a little movie, a bun fire with small tents around it. No clue where or when this was. Then a friend of my dad with his little child who’s a week younger then me appeared. I didn’t understand it yet,because I didn't recognize the scene. Then the people stayed but the bun fire and tents changed and became my parents preparing our tent at a camping in France, when I was around two years old. I saw the kid/my friend playing with his dad and I wanted this too! But my father responded very agitated and redirected the frustration of the fact that the tent wasn’t working according to his plans to me. I felt lonely and didn’t understand.. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? Why did he act this way to me when I just want to play and love?
As I recreated the scene to let go of the trauma,(part of the process) my inner child simply wanted a second dad to play with for now. So that's what I gave him and immediately he was happy. I finished the steps of the process and we (my inner child and I) let go of the old traumatic experience and embraced the new one. Then we merged together and became one again.

This process is one of the most beautiful processes I practise, it’s going so deep and gives to possibility to use the unpleasant emotions and thoughts to go back to the root and change the emotions which comes along with the physical event.

Well it became way longer then I intended and I still kept it so short.
Love you all! Namaste
Sven