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Reisverslag Why I do what I do
23 februari 2017
Why I do what I do
I remember this time when I wrote a piece about how I really felt and read it to my parents. They where frightened that I was depressed, that I didn't feel good, while I actually felt better then I ever felt before. It was probably the first time, the first time I remember for sure, that I was completely honest with myself. What is frightening to me, is that we created a society where it is not ok to say how we really feel. Everybody is asking to everybody how are you doing? And then the only right answer is; "I'm fine". It's this social fake thing going on. If I say I feel shit people don't know how to react. In my family we always say we can talk about everything.. but how is it possible that we don't do that. That we think it's better for the other not to know.
From the moment I dared to look into my fears, they started disappearing. Or they were still there, but I didn't listen to them anymore. Or I could get out of the emotions much quicker then before.
Before I went into the Vipassana two close friends of mine sent me a message with their worries about my ambition to furthee my selfdevelopment. They said I am good the way I am. There is no reason to work hard and to always become a better version of myself. I loved their care about me. I also completely understand their point of view, and I realise that sometimes I am to strict for myself. It made me think why do I do what I do and why is it so important for me to keep developing myself in this direction. It kept me busy during the night.
Well for me it doesn't feel like working hard, the opposite is true. I feel much more energetic, actually I need far less sleep then before. Every morning I wake up at 6.30 do a meditation and read or write a bit before the others are waking up. We are like an onion, in the core we are all free, but because of our past experiences and the way we dealt with it we created all these layers around us. These are the (negative)believes about our selves and the habits we created to cover them up. So a child who is a bully might have a core belief that he is weak. For me pleasing was a way to cover up my fear of end up lonely. (Of course the same happens with the positive believes, and by looking at them it made me even more proud of who I am and what I accomplished. Maybe it seems like I'm only looking at negative experiences, but that's not true. I'll write successes every day in my journal, and focus with intentions on the experiences I want to create in my life)
From the moment I went for me, I saw how these habits and patterns influenced my life in a negative way. A way that when I wanted to create something in my life, I kept on falling back in these same habits and moved exactly the opposite direction as I wanted to go. So by pealing off the layers of the onion I get closer to this core which is completely free, full of love and compassion. I feel like I am carrying less weight on my shoulders!!
So in short why I do what I do is because I see so much growth in myself. I will go for and create the results I want to see in my life. And I learned how accept and love myself. And all of this is an ongoing never ending process. I love it!!
I love the sentences I read this morning from Teal Swam, it covers exactly what I feel life is about; 'the great beauty of our lives is that we are never truly in a "finished" state.'
23 februari 2017 10:56 | Door: Femke Joy Huibers
Well spoken!! Heerlijk om te lezen!
23 februari 2017 12:27 | Door: Ilse Melis
Mooi omschreven, ben benieuwd wat het je verder gaat brengen :-)
24 februari 2017 16:37 | Door: Chris
Mooi verhaal Sven!
24 februari 2017 19:56 | Door: Pim
Wijze woorden Svenslof.
1 maart 2017 20:42 | Door: Maarten
Ha Sven! Wat mooi om jouw verhaal te lezen! Love and compassion...... las laatst een verhaal:mens durf te bloeien! Wie floreert draagt graag bij aan het geluk van anderen en geeft op die manier zin aan zijn eigen bestaan. Doe wat je goed kan en doen wat je nuttig vindt. Zo worden we een gelukkig mens! Ik bewonder je!